Sooooooooooooo I joined the Known Donor Registry just to check it out. Well I ended up contacting a few experienced donors and eventually found one that will be able to ship to me. Everything (fingers crossed) has gone smoothly so far. I have a lot of information about him, which I love that I will have so much to share with my child, plus I know he is safe. When I was originally thinking of using a known donor (KD) it creeped me out. I pictured emailing some random guy, meeting at a hotel and having him do his business in one room and then me inseminating in another, all while hoping he was disease free and not going to kill me. With the registry it's not like that at all. It's like having a dating website with reviews, STI clearances, etc. The donor I have chosen has had multiple successes. I wanted to make sure that the donor I was using didn't have fertility issues. It is very clear that he does not. The best part (besides feeling like I at least have some connection to the biological father of my child) is the cost. One ICI cycle with a sperm bank cost me $1500, that was back to back (2 vials) but it still would have been about $1000 for just one. Plus the driving to the doctor, driving to the shipping company, plus the fact that I can't be trying while here because they can't ship here. Each cycle with the KD will cost me less than $120. Shipping is about $100 (could be cheaper but we want to make sure it gets here quickly and on time), I paid $4 for 20 needless syringes (so $0.20 per cycle), $7 for 6 soft cups ($1.16 per cycle), and $25 for 25 ovulation tests with 10 pregnancy tests ($12.50 per cycle) for a total of $113.86 per cycle. That means each cycle I'm saving almost $900!!!! CRAZY!!! The agreement has been signed by both of us and we are looking to start on my November cycle (approximately November 7th would be the first insemination).
Now onto race.... My donor is not Korean. So after my huge long post about having a Korean child I most likely won't. Even if I end up using a bank again I feel like I might not. Anyway, the KD is white, I'm white so the child will be....... yep, you guessed it, white. I will still be raising them with the Korean language, I will still celebrate Baek-il (100 day) and Dol (first birthday) but it might be a little different. I don't think I will use traditional Korean clothes (hanbok), but have a nice outfit for them instead. Baek-il will probably be more like the Buddhist baby blessing ceremony and the first birthday will be more westernised but have something like when the baby chooses an item which tells a fortune (chooses ball = athlete, chooses money = wealth, etc.)
Now the issue of the name. I had names picked out that I liked, then when I decided to have a Korean baby I found a Korean name that I loved. I put the question out to the SMC forum, a few Korean friends, and few white friends. While my white friends said to keep the name, Korean friends said that it wasn't the best idea, and the SMC forum agreed with the Korean friends. So I decided to ditch the name and try to find a unique (but not too weird) English(ish) name. Thanks again to the SMC forum I found a ton of names I liked. My goal was to find a first name that I could use whether it is a girl or a boy, and middle names that both start with the same initial so I would be able to know before hand what their initials will be. The middle names were actually super easy, I flipped between two middle names for a girl but my BFF helped me realize that the name that first grabbed me was the better choice. The boy's middle name also jumped out at me and once I saw it I didn't even look at other middle names. The first name was a little harder. I went through my list of names that I liked and tried to see what would work for both. I decided on one and then checked online to see if there were any girls with the name (it is a boy name). Sure enough there were and although people online said they didn't like it as a girl's name, my BFF said she found it worked better as a girl's than a boy's. So I now have new names :D. I kept repeating them to myself last night to make sure I liked them and I have fallen in LOVE with them. I even like them more than the Korean name! They are unique but not to strange. I know my mom doesn't like the first name because she told me before she didn't but she didn't like the Korean name either but I was set on that so I am set on my new names.
Now for the star theme.... the theme will stay the same. The middle names both mean heavenly, the boy's name is the name of a constellation and the girl's name sounds starry. The first name (to me anyway) sounds magical. I ordered some beading stuff online last night (my grandmother just passed yesterday and I needed some retail therapy, and probably also why I was obsessed with finding names), so I will make a newborn bracelet with the baby's first name on it. I'm going to use the block letters I did have made and give them to my brothers for Christmas since the initials match their first initials. I will have to get some new supplies to remake the rest but I'm actually excited to. I will probably wait until Christmas to get the supplies though because Michaels doesn't have an online store and the stuff I like from Walmart isn't on their site either.
I feel like I can relax a bit now, I love the names so much, I don't have to worry about offending Koreans. I also won't have to worry about my child being a different race/biracial. I also love that I can now try every cycle instead of trying in the summer and then stopping until the following summer. I was really regretting returning here this year because I couldn't keep trying but now I'm glad I did because I found the way that I will have the child I'm supposed to have.
I am 30, single, vegan, and been on my journey to becoming a single mother since 2013. I have struggled with infertility and I am now on the path to international adoption of a little girl with Down syndrome. Come join me on my journey to becoming a mother!