I am soooooo sorry that I haven't updated since November!!! Life has been chaos, stress, grief, and really crappy to be honest..... so I'll start with the worse pain I've ever had in my life....
On December 19th, while waiting for a plane to take us to the city, my dog... my baby.... passed away in my arms. Its been a month and it still hurts like hell. I cry every day and miss him so much. He was only two and a half and I hate that he was taken from me. I know it will get better eventually but right now it's horrible. 48 hours after he passed I got a new puppy. Because I live so isolated and since I was in the city for two weeks for Christmas I rushed to get a new dog while I could. Although she is amazing I'm struggling to bond with her out of fear. I'm so scared of losing her. Hopefully as the pain of his loss lessens, my love and bond with her will grow, but in the meantime I continue to mourn.
Onto adoption stuff......
The days that followed the birth mom saying yes were quiet.... way too quiet.... eventually she started talking to me again but it was to tell me that she was no longer sure about placing. So now I'm back to the start. There have been a few other prospective babies but they keep falling through. I still have a tiny bit of hope that she might place but right now I just feel done. I can slowly see my hard work and plans slip away while young women here give birth to one baby after the next. I know in the end I will get a baby, it's just a matter of time.... but right now I am bitter and frustrated by the hand I've been dealt.
I am 30, single, vegan, and been on my journey to becoming a single mother since 2013. I have struggled with infertility and I am now on the path to international adoption of a little girl with Down syndrome. Come join me on my journey to becoming a mother!