I decided to clean up the website a bit. I'm hoping that I can start blogging more about specific topics as well as keeping up with YouTube. This might just be a dream but I think I can do it. Blogging takes a lot less time (usually) than filming, editing, and uploading a vlog but I've said that before. To be honest the blog was a bit of a mess. The categories were overflowing and there was no clear purpose to the blog other than as a journal. So I've cleaned it up and narrowed it down to a few topics. The majority of my posts were from my trying to conceive days. Oh the hope, oh the indecision lol. I'm so glad that my path is now clear and I'm moving forward.
It's been a while since I posted and wanted to give you a quick life update. I got a job teaching in northern Ontario. It's not ideal as I would rather be in Alberta but it's much better than a call centre and it's a step in the right direction. As hard as it is to leave my family yet again I know that it is necessary in order to help bring my daughter home sooner as well as give her the best life possible. I've been losing quite a bit of weight since moving too so that's an added bonus. I'm starting to apply for jobs in Alberta and hopefully will be moving there in the summer. This would allow me to start the adoption process in the fall! I'm so excited but also scared as things will still take a while to save up enough money and the process itself is a long one. Overall I'm feeling very hopeful and excited for the future and can't wait to share this journey with you.
I moved back to Ontario with one simple goal; build a life here. I decided to go back to school so I can get a job that pays good (not as much as teaching but good enough), complete the adoption process here, live here forever with my family and live happily ever after. Now a year and a bit later that doesn't even seem possible. The job market here is rough and the housing market even worse. For ever job posting a hundred people are fighting for it. For every house listing a hundred people are fighting for it. It's come to the point where I know that for me to stay here my only option will be to work at a call centre the rest of my life making just over minimum wage. This is not acceptable for me. This is not going to help lead me to my future daughter. This will not provide my daughter with the best chances in life. In order to change this is means I need to do something big. I need to do something that I'm terrified of. It means I need to leave Ontario forever. By forever I don't mean I will never be back for visits, I just mean that I need to start building a life elsewhere.
I started a new job two weeks ago..... ugh! The employer itself isn't an issue it's the job. It's a call centre and I'm sure anyone who has ever worked understands why I hate it so much. Anyway, it's been difficult. I'm trying to balance being happy with my job and making as much money as I can, as quickly as I can, in order to bring my daughter home. It's really hard. I've been offered a position at the school I used to work at but it's a challenging place to live and financially might not be the best decision. It would mean that I couldn't take any classes next term and it's a whole lot of paperwork to move back to a different province. I've also been looking at some other jobs locally and within the same province but I'm totally confused on what to do. I know the journey to having enough money will take at least two years and I just can't imagine suffering through the call centre for that long. I miss having a job I love but I also don't want to make a poor financial or emotional decision. Ugh, life!
As I've said a million times before, I am not good at waiting. I need to always feel like I'm doing something, moving forward in some way. I need to feel like I'm making progress instead of just sitting around waiting for something to happen. Since with the adoption I don't have much of a choice for how fast things happen I'm trying to keep busy in different ways.
I'm NOT a patient person.... I'm used to wanting something, making a plan, and making it happen. For the past three years it has been anything but like that. You would think that by now I would be used to it but I'm not. If anything I feel like it's getting worse the longer it takes. Today I've been catching up on some editing for my Youtube Channel and I'm filled with "if only". If only my periods weren't so painful, then I could try to conceive again, if only I actually wanted to be pregnant, if only I actually wanted to have a newborn, if only things were easier, if only things were different. I do miss the feeling of
I am 29, single, vegan, on my journey to becoming a single mother. I have struggled with infertility and I am now on the path to international adoption. Come join me on my journey to becoming a mother!
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